Tuesday, June 28, 2011

He's bad-assed...

This...is the spider that lives in my brewery.  He's totally bad-assed...and just doesn't give a shit.

Skinny little guy with spindly legs, right?  Yeah, but don't let his delicate appearance deceive you because he is a totally bad-assed mother-fucker that would have Samuel L. Jackson crying like a school girl if the two of them ever went toe-to-toe.

Okay...excuse the gender bias here.  I'll stipulate that "he" might well be a "she."  Let's move on...

So...said (non-gender-specific) spider moved into the brewery a few months back.  Boris - as we'll call him/her - set up a web in a remote corner over the main floor drain.  I didn't think much of it at the time as the brewery is in a garage...the presence of insects, arachnids, and other invertebrates is not unusual.  But over time, Boris thrived - on what, I have no idea - and the web was gradually enlarged.  It finally got to the point where I could not shut off the cold water line to the brewery without waving away all kinds of spider web crap.  Creepy.  So, tonight, I am doing some routine cleaning in the brewery and say, "Enough!  Sorry, but this mess has to go."  I pull out my hot water hose and let fly on Boris and his/her web.  This is hot water straight out of my water heater. I have literally killed scorpions - the toughest invertebrates on the planet - with this same jet of hot water.  Web destroyed and washed down the drain.  Boris, not in evidence.  Mission accomplished and Miller time, I figure.

Not so fast.  The picture above is Boris in his/her NEW web, not more than 20 minutes after the hot water Armageddon I unleashed on him/her.  This motherfucker is bad-assed and I'm a little skeered right now.


  1. You remember that scene in Wrath Of Khan, with Chekov and the thing in his ear?
    Best be practicing your Russian accent.

  2. ...and I don't even have any wodka in the house.

  3. "Thanks for the hot shower, stupid," says Boris.

  4. Heh, Sheri. At least, I now have a clean spider in the brewery.

  5. When hot water won't kill the spider, then genetic mutations have finally reached the point there is no hope left to find.

    Sell the house and hide in the mountains....above the snow line.