Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Even more things explained...

Many people who meet me think, "Wow! Anyone that awesome must have sprung, like Athena, fully formed from the forehead of Zeus..."  However, that's not the case.  I was born of woman like everyone else and my sister, having dug deep into the family archives, has provided the following photographic evidence, taken shortly after my introduction to Planet Earth:
I need not point out here that Holy Cross Hospital clearly did not have Annie Leibovitz on retainer to handle their infant photos, but let's be honest...I wasn't giving anyone a lot to work with here.  Not obvious in the picture is the fact that it was taken while I was in a little baby straitjacket.  No, that's not a typo.  Shortly after birth, I was put in a straitjacket.  Now, I'd like to say that it was because the head nurse spoke up and said, "Leave this one alone" 'cuz she could tell right away, baby, that I was bad to the bone.  Bu-bu-bu-bu-bad.  Bad to the bone.  I'd really like to say that, but no.  It turns out that, not only was I born with a full head of hair, I was also born with fully formed fingernails that I kept trying to gouge my eyes with...and from the looks of the above-mentioned picture I'd been doing a little bit of that in utero.  The motivation for my wanting to gouge my eyes is a mystery, but let's remember this was the 50's - people thought putting fins on cars was a good idea for God's sake - and being thrown into that half-formed...well, let's just say that's a Rod Serling Twilight Zone intro right there.

No comments:

Post a Comment