Saturday, August 6, 2011

The evolution of a desert rat...

Shortly after we had moved to Las Vegas, the redhead discovered a bark scorpion on the kitchen floor.  Bark scorpions are not all that big - a 2-inch long one would be a monster - but they are scorpions nonetheless and if one stings you it will hurt like a motherfucker.  In any case, this was the first scorpion the redhead had seen here.  I was in the other room and, while I had heard the phrase "scream like a girl" and, even used it myself, many times before, the noise I heard coming from the kitchen was - and still is - the purest manifestation of girl screaming I have ever experienced.  Screaming eventually transitioned to serial "Oh, my Gawd!"-ing, but by the time she had the exterminator on the phone - the scorpion had long since scurried under a nearby cabinet - some coherence had returned.  I didn't catch the entire conversation, but the phrases, "Kill them!", "Kill them all!", and "Oh, just fucking kill them!" figured prominently.  At least, this is my memory of the event.

Fast forward to last night.  We have long since ceased to engage the services of an exterminator; having recognized that whatever he was spraying around the house was doing little more than washing the dust off our scorpion least they weren't tracking it into the house.  I did buy a bottle of what was called "Demon-X" in a Shanghai street market, which very efficiently killed scorpions, but then it seemed to very efficiently kill everything that came in contact with it, up to and including small mammals and, probably, cats had we let them anywhere near the "Zone of Death."  So, we gave up on Demon-X, but when the revolution comes, I've already got my own little WMD stash.

I digress...

Last night, the redhead is reading, I'm learning about our country's new AA+ bond rating and drinking, and the cats, as usual, are laying about staring sullenly at me due to my refusal to turn up the A/C and cool them off.  Into this bucolic scene walks a scorpion, a big one, just taking a stroll through the living room.  "Hey, bros! How's it going?" he says, "Just thought I'd check out the place.  Got any bugs or shit like that around for me to eat?"  The redhead gets up, goes into the kitchen, and grabs the tweezers and glass jar we keep there for such occasions.  She picks up the scorpion with the tweezers, plops it in the jar, puts the lid on the jar, and sits back down with her book.  Heh.


  1. I'm serial OMG-ing (love that phrase!) just reading about what she did. How the? What the? She's braver than I am. Then again, I run from turtles, so we're not in the same league at all on this.

    - sheri

  2. Wow. Can I get her to come exterminate the termites that have set up a colony about 100 yards from our house? That would be awesome. Lol

  3. The redhead is virtually She-Ra when it comes to scorpions, but I still get the nod when it comes to spiders.

    As for the termite thing, Teresa, I think that situation demands fire and the liberal application of "accelerants."

  4. A Meerkat is the solution. They're downright cuddly and eat scorpions.

    The only problem is getting a Meerkat. I doubt they have them at PetSmart, but it might be worth a try.

  5. Jess, a Meerkat is genius. Not only would bringing in a Flower or a Zaphod into the house fix the scorpion problem, but with our cats, it would be like making R. Lee Ermey the house mother at a college fraternity.